SEIZE THE DAY! YEAH, RIGHT!

Image by mindgutter via Flickr

You may have recently suffered a loss or it may have been awhile and you are moving through your grief. Either way,
you are grieving and life seems hard. It sucks right now and you don't see it getting better. It will get better, I promise, but for now, for today, for this weekend---SEIZE THE DAY! 


1.   GO OUTSIDE
2.   TAKE A WALK.
3.   MEDITATE/DAYDREAM
4.   LISTEN TO YOUR FAVORITE MUSIC.
5.   RELAX IN WATER---SHOWER, BATHTUB, HOT TUB OR POOL.
6.   GO THE THE LIBRARY/BOOKSTORE AND BROWSE.
7.   TAKE A DRIVE AND ENJOY THE FALL COLORS.
8.   HAVE LUNCH WITH A FRIEND.
9.   SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FAMILY.
10. LOSE YOURSELF IN A GREAT BOOK OR MOVIE.
11. VISIT A CHURCH/PRAY.
12. DANCE/SING/LIVE


The point is! Get up---Get out---Get going! Today is Friday. Take one day this weekend---
Friday or Saturday or Sunday and LIVE! Fake it if you have to but do it anyway.
Afterwards, let me know what you did. How did you feel? Do you think it helped?


If you have any ideas to add to the list please do so in the comments below.


We are all in this together. And together we will get through the challenges we face.
Peace and love to all---Annette


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My loss is bigger than YOUR loss!

Image by TheBusyBrain via Flickr

Can we compare our loss with someone else's? Some people I talk to seem to discount my loss and make theirs the focus. "How do you think I feel? You don't know what I went through? My life will never be the same!" All of those statements are true but different for each and every one of us. These are some of the things I have heard when speaking to others about losing my son. It saddens me to think that others have to make their loss seem more than mine. No matter what the loss is we all still suffered and there is no way to compare because each of us is different. One person I know made it seem like a popularity contest. She made me feel like she was saying "my loss was bigger than yours, "nananananana". And she did have a traumatic experience, I don't want to discount that, but what makes her think her loss was more than anyone elses'. What the heck is wrong with this picture?

Do we live in such a self absorbed world that we have to compare the tragedies in our lives to feel like we are something or someone? Is it right to make ourselves feel better by discounting another persons loss. Death is non comparable. IT IS a great equalizer. It changes us forever, and makes us different. And sadly, it links us.  To compare one loss to another is a sad way of making yourself feel better. When you are faced with a friend who does this, what do you do? How do you respond. I stopped talking, listened, and then made a mental note to not discuss my son with her again. The thing is, we are all unique, we all matter. And what happens to us is what makes us who we are. We are uncomparable, as is the things we go through, including death.

As I travel this journey of healing, I am becoming more compassionate and understanding. I am learning to listen more and talk less. I am learning to forgive myself and others.  And I will remain uncomparable for the rest of my life. How about you?

If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

Life's amazing journeys!

I took last week off from posting to just reflect on my life and the last four years without my son, Ben. It may not seem like it to some but my life has been an amazing journey. I have seen and done many things. I have had my share of challenges, successes and failures. But all in all so far it has been an OK life.

Today I read a story about a family that lost all three of their children. Two to suicide and one to a drug overdose. The story hinted at family problems as the cause and maybe that's true but a mother and father still lost three children. What comes to mind when I read or hear about things like this---It can always be worse! Yes! I have been challenged. Maybe by the greatest challenge a mom will ever face. But, it could always be worse.

My greatest accomplishment in life has been birthing two children. Two small human beings to nurture, teach, protect and let find their wings.  My son always needed reassurance that he would be OK, that he was a good boy, that I loved him. My daughter is strong willed and determined. She just knew all those things from a very young age. I knew she would succeed and I didn't worry as much about her. My son was another story. I worried about him constantly. Two children from the same parents and so different. My two stepson's are the same way. It's a mystery I will never understand and when I speak with other parents they experience the very same thing.

Some days I beat myself over the head wondering if I would just have given Ben more of what he needed would he have been better able to cope with the challenges he faced. He was smart. He had an incredible memory. He was kind and compassionate. And in spite of all these things he was tormented. He lived for 24 years with me as his mother and I feel privileged for such an honor. I will always be his mother and he will always be one of my most amazing accomplishments.

My daughter Keri is smart, beautiful, compassionate and kind. She is a treasure and sometimes I am amazed I am her mother. She has faced her challenges and moved forward choosing to see the glass half full instead of half empty. I see her now choosing happiness and working on living her best life. I could not ask for anything more for her. She is my second greatest accomplishment.

How often do we move through our days grudgingly. Looking at life as a challenge instead of a gift. I felt that way for almost three years while working through the suicide of my son and my own depression. If you are feeling that way just hold on, eventually it will pass. And someday you will be able to look back and see just how amazing your life is too.

Peace---Annette

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Has your faith been tested?

I believe we all are on our own path.
And that God has a plan, but for each of us it is different.
And how we intersect with each other is a part of God's plan.
I believe we all have a purpose.
And that losing our loved ones can bring us to a greater purpose.
And the sorrow, the joy, the pain and the love will lead us to that purpose.
And that God will guide us in finding our new purpose.
I believe...

This video moved me and I wanted to share it with all of you.   
Watch it and then tell me what you believe.

http://www.andiesisle.com/creation/magnificent.html

Peace---Annette

too busy to notice!

 Image via Wikipedia

As the anniversary of Ben's death comes close, I find myself so busy I don't know which way to turn. JB Dollar, my job that pays some of the bills has just introduced two new products and wow is it ever exciting. Hat's need to be sent out to three locations, listed on Etsy and E-bay. Orders for crochet items need to be made. Halloween jewelry and OMG the list goes on and on. I wonder If God is giving me all of this so I can focus on other things. Today on the way home from the craft store (looking for Halloween charms for the jewelry) I started thinking about Ben and how much he loved Halloween. I cried.  It was the one holiday his dad was into and we all enjoyed it together. I loved making his and Keri's costumes. My favorite was the year Keri was Tinker Bell and he was a pirate, AKA Captain Hook. Keri had a store bought costume but we made Ben's and it was cool. Another year he was a the hunchback of Notre Dame. Of course, when he was little he was Batman and Superman. Keri was bat girl one year. Never any clowns. We didn't like clowns. Even as an adult Ben was scared of clowns. Makes me laugh thinking about it but every time I see a clown it reminds me of him. And sometimes I laugh and cry at the same time.


I use to love fall. Now, I dread it's beginning because it reminds
me of that fateful day when we lost Ben. Four years, "doesn't it go by in a blink". That quote is from Anthony Hopkins character in the movie Meet Joe Black. As death is waiting for him at his 65th birthday he is speaking to the guests and closes with this---"65 years, doesn't it go by in a blink". I had watched that movie a few times before but recently when I heard him say that it made me think how precious little time we really do have. Life truly is fleeting.


As the fourth anniversary of Ben's death approaches I reflect on his short life. He touched many people in his 24 years. He was a good friend, son and brother. He would bend over backwards to help you if you were in need. Generous to a fault and loyal. Of course there were problems but this post is not about them. This is about my memories of fall and the fun times we spent planning a favorite celebration. How God is giving me so much to focus on right now that I am not dwelling on October first. And the fact that life is short, so we should remember to live each day to the fullest, become more than we ever thought we could be and love the ones closest to us with reckless abandon. 


Peace and Love,
Annette

Have you thought of me lately?

Image by evoo73 via Flickr

One of my biggest fears is that I will forget my son! People fade when you don't see them and as we all know our memories are what keep them alive. My family very seldom speaks to me about Ben. I think they are afraid to bring up his name. I don't even know how often they think about him. After four years you would think it would be easier to talk about him but I guess it's not. I love hearing stories from his friends about things they experienced with him. It lets me know he was really here. When I feel him fading away I picture him in a good situation. The last time I saw him we went out to dinner and he was funny and stressed all at the same time. I hate that that is the last time I saw him. He hugged me when we parted and I hated leaving him two hours away from home. I wanted him to be young again and with no worries. I knew he had to grow up and for the time being it was better this way but I still didn't like it. Less than a month later he was gone.

Now the only thing left is the memories. October first is the day Ben died. Every year I think we should do something to remember him on that day but it usually passes as just another day. I would rather remember his birthday, it was a much happier occasion. We still hang his stocking up at Christmas and probably always will. I write notes to him and put them inside. It's a small gesture but it makes me feel a little ok that he isn't there.

How do you remember your loved ones? Do you do special things on their birthdays, Christmas or the day they died? Share with us how you remember your loved ones so maybe we can find a better way to remember ours.

It's one of those days!

Some days I just don't feel like dealing with real life. Does anyone else ever feel that way? On days like that should we just sit back and let the day happen or push ourselves to get things done?

Being self employed it's sometimes hard to motivate, especially on days like today. It scares me a bit because I think maybe I am slipping back into depression. And I really don't want to go back there.

Anyone out there have any suggestions on how you get through the day when it's one of those days?

All comments and ideas are welcome.

Peace
Annette