Tuesday, January 24, 2012

8 Minutes. A guest post by Keri Stokes

The original Angel of Grief in Rome.Image via Wikipedia
This is my first guest post. It is by my daughter Keri and although she does not have a blog as of yet I wanted to share this facebook post with all of you. She has a very special way of putting her thoughts into words which touch me in a very profound way.

8 minutes.

I guess I've always just been naive to think that we all feel that. I mean, don't we? After your dad or mom or sister or grandma or friend or uncle... Don't you feel that grip on your throat, like you're being taken by a mysterious force you've always tried to avoid? And then you may begin to avoid it, so that grip goes away? But it's possible that the only way to loosen the grip each time their name comes up or you see a movie about the 8 minute idea, is to actually let the grip grab a hold, let the tears forcefully drip out of your eyes. Until you let that grip come a little undone. I don't think you'd understand unless you were me or someone who has been struck and liquified by the devastating loss of their loved one. Or maybe you would get it, if you had a break up. Grief is everywhere, not just accompanied with death. I used to think that no one understood grief unless they had something really awful happen to them.

The 8 minute idea is this: it takes light 8 minutes to reach us. That means that the sun could explode and we wouldn't know for 8 minutes. We'd still be warm and cozy for 8 minutes. Lives would go on, until the end of 8 minutes. So the idea is when someone you love, care about, or even know dies, you struggle to hold onto them for as long as possible by exaggerating pretty much everything. My brother didn't move out of my dads house until it went into foreclosure, I still haven't went up to my grandpa's bar where my brother died, my mom still smells my brother's pillow that she keeps in an air container. So does this mean that even after 5 years we are holding onto 8 minutes? Is that grip never going to loosen, until we have the 'closure' we 'need'? I think this has made me softer towards people's situations. But sometimes I think that's the only good thing it's done. I just know that the grip will probably loosen if I do go to my grandpa's bars parking lot. To witness where ben's last breaths were taken. But that would be letting go of another minute, and I think sometimes I like the grip.

Guest Post by Keri Stokes

Thanks to Keri for letting me share this.


If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.
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Sunday, January 15, 2012

Five years is a long time to mourn!

I will always mourn the death of my son. That is a fact of life for me now. People say it gets easier with time but that is not really true. I think we just get use to losing our loved ones and that makes us able to move forward.

Recently I have been thinking of taking this blog in a different direction. I will still be here to help others through their grief but in a positive way, sharing stories, thoughts and ideas on how to move forward after the mourning eases.

If you have any ideas on things you would like to hear from me let me know in the comments below.

Onward we go, together.


If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might benefit from my blog please share it with them.