As you go through your weekend remember everyone is fighting some kind of battle so be kind to all you meet. "Kindness is Free". And if you are having a hard time making it through another day know that God is the constant, he is always by your side helping you through the challenges of life. Never give up hope that tomorrow will be better.


Have a great weekend everybody!

Love & Peace to all---Annette

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

"Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble". Frank Tyger

How often do we quiet the voices in our heads and really listen when people are talking to us? Do you ask someone how they are and then really listen to their answer? In my line of work I am constantly listening to what people are saying and really listening is something I always find myself working on.

When Ben died I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. But you know what, there were people in my life that left me alone and at the same time quietly nudged me along so that when I was ready to talk they were there. And even though I was in an extremely depressed state I still knew who I could talk to when I was ready. And I did talk to them and they listened. It was a part of my healing and so appreciated then and now.

Remember that when someone is grieving they need time to process their grief. You can gently nudge them along by letting them know that when they are ready to talk you will be there. And next time you have a conversation with someone be present and focus on what they are saying. Being a good listener is one of the best gifts we can give one another.

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

Thank God it's Friday. As you go through your weekend think about this:

"KINDNESS IS FREE"

Let's spread it around and make this world a nicer place.

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

I saw this quote today on facebook. It was posted by a friend that has had some challenges in life but he keeps moving forward. I just wanted to share it with all of you. Wouldn't life be better if we all could do this?

"Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror".

I think so. How about you?

If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

A loss of any kind just plain sucks!

Last week I lost my cat Chatter. I know what your thinking, "it was a cat". But like most people's pets Chatter was more than a cat. He was my friend, my buddy. He was a connection to Ben. He was born to Matty. She was a cat that Keri talked me into taking after our neighbors said they could no longer keep her. She roamed the neighborhood and was a really nice cat. And little did I know she was pregnant. A few weeks later out come three little kitties. All three were different. One was white with black spots which we named "Moo" cause she looked like a cow. Then there was the common tabby who Keri while painting her nails came up with the name "Pinky". The third was a little different, part main coon and part tabby but real furry like a main coon. I knew from the start we would be keeping him. He was sweet right from the beginning. He couldn't meow and you could not hear him purr. His meow sounded like a caw and you only knew he was purring when you held him close and felt it. His name didn't come to us easy. We tried for days to think of a good name. One day Ben was standing at the kitchen table (I have no idea why I remember that) and he said he had the perfect name. He said "we should name him Chatter cause he can't meow". As soon as he said Chatter I knew we had his name. Now I know it's stupid to feel this as a connection to Ben, but I do. I feel like I lost something when Chatter died. Another connection to something Ben and I shared together. We all loved that cat and he loved us right back. We talked to him like a person. One of my last memories of Ben is him walking in the door and looking down at Chatter and saying "hi Chat, how you doing?" And of course Chatter cawed back at him as if to answer. I love those memories. I need them to survive. Chatter died in my arms after 15 years of unconditional love. I still look for him when I come home from work. I wait for him to come running to me. I wonder when I will get it and stop looking. But then it's been almost six years and I still look for signs from Ben. Losing someone---we never get over it, it never goes away, we just get use to it. It's not time that makes it easier, it's our magnificent brains that take over and help us cope. And then there is hope, the hope for a better tomorrow, a better future and a chance to again meet up with the people (and animals) we love.

Love & Peace---Annette

P.S. Thanks to Linda at www.talktherapybiz.com. Today she got me thinking about hope. Check out her blog, it's a good one.

If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

Thinking of Ben

Image via Wikipedia

Lately I have been thinking alot about Ben. About when he was growing up and how special he was. He was my little buddy and as he grew up I always thought of him that way. I still do. He will always be my little buddy. I miss his everyday and losing him sucks. There is no other way to describe it, it just plain sucks.

People say time heals. I don't agree. I think we will never heal, we just get use to the loss and so it becomes a part of our new normal. We are faced with so many challenges in life. Getting over the death of a loved one is a huge challenge. If you are facing a loss in your life remember to give yourself a break. Take time out for you. Do what you want to do and not what others think you should do. You will find your new normal and eventually you will get use to the changes in your life. But take it from me there will still be moments when life will really suck so be sure to enjoy the moments that don't.


Love and peace to all. Annette

If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

8 Minutes. A guest post by Keri Stokes

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This is my first guest post. It is by my daughter Keri and although she does not have a blog as of yet I wanted to share this facebook post with all of you. She has a very special way of putting her thoughts into words which touch me in a very profound way.

8 minutes.

I guess I've always just been naive to think that we all feel that. I mean, don't we? After your dad or mom or sister or grandma or friend or uncle... Don't you feel that grip on your throat, like you're being taken by a mysterious force you've always tried to avoid? And then you may begin to avoid it, so that grip goes away? But it's possible that the only way to loosen the grip each time their name comes up or you see a movie about the 8 minute idea, is to actually let the grip grab a hold, let the tears forcefully drip out of your eyes. Until you let that grip come a little undone. I don't think you'd understand unless you were me or someone who has been struck and liquified by the devastating loss of their loved one. Or maybe you would get it, if you had a break up. Grief is everywhere, not just accompanied with death. I used to think that no one understood grief unless they had something really awful happen to them.

The 8 minute idea is this: it takes light 8 minutes to reach us. That means that the sun could explode and we wouldn't know for 8 minutes. We'd still be warm and cozy for 8 minutes. Lives would go on, until the end of 8 minutes. So the idea is when someone you love, care about, or even know dies, you struggle to hold onto them for as long as possible by exaggerating pretty much everything. My brother didn't move out of my dads house until it went into foreclosure, I still haven't went up to my grandpa's bar where my brother died, my mom still smells my brother's pillow that she keeps in an air container. So does this mean that even after 5 years we are holding onto 8 minutes? Is that grip never going to loosen, until we have the 'closure' we 'need'? I think this has made me softer towards people's situations. But sometimes I think that's the only good thing it's done. I just know that the grip will probably loosen if I do go to my grandpa's bars parking lot. To witness where ben's last breaths were taken. But that would be letting go of another minute, and I think sometimes I like the grip.

Guest Post by Keri Stokes

Thanks to Keri for letting me share this.

Peace
Annette


If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

Five years is a long time to mourn!

I will always mourn the death of my son. That is a fact of life for me now. People say it gets easier with time but that is not really true. I think we just get use to losing our loved ones and that makes us able to move forward.

Recently I have been thinking of taking this blog in a different direction. I will still be here to help others through their grief but in a positive way, sharing stories, thoughts and ideas on how to move forward after the mourning eases.

If you have any ideas on things you would like to hear from me let me know in the comments below.

Onward we go, together.

Peace---Annette

If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might benefit from my blog please share it with them.