Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Have you thought of me lately?

In Memory ofImage by evoo73 via Flickr
One of my biggest fears is that I will forget my son! People fade when you don't see them and as we all know our memories are what keep them alive. My family very seldom speaks to me about Ben. I think they are afraid to bring up his name. I don't even know how often they think about him. After four years you would think it would be easier to talk about him but I guess it's not. I love hearing stories from his friends about things they experienced with him. It lets me know he was really here. When I feel him fading away I picture him in a good situation. The last time I saw him we went out to dinner and he was funny and stressed all at the same time. I hate that that is the last time I saw him. He hugged me when we parted and I hated leaving him two hours away from home. I wanted him to be young again and with no worries. I knew he had to grow up and for the time being it was better this way but I still didn't like it. Less than a month later he was gone.

Now the only thing left is the memories. October first is the day Ben died. Every year I think we should do something to remember him on that day but it usually passes as just another day. I would rather remember his birthday, it was a much happier occasion. We still hang his stocking up at Christmas and probably always will. I write notes to him and put them inside. It's a small gesture but it makes me feel a little ok that he isn't there.

How do you remember your loved ones? Do you do special things on their birthdays, Christmas or the day they died? Share with us how you remember your loved ones so maybe we can find a better way to remember ours.


  1. I think of Ben often. I know I didn't get to know him all that well, but the times I did spend with him, I enjoyed talking with him. He was a great converstaionalist and could really make you think about things. I'm finding it hard to believe that it will soon be 4 years since that dreadful day. My prayers and thoughts are with all of you. Everytime I see Wendy's I think of Ben, everytime I see a gargoyle, I think of Ben. My time with him was so limited and yet things remind me of him. I hope your family comes around and starts sharing more memories of Ben with you.


  2. Thanks Brittnay--I will never forget the day you brought that blue gargoyle to my house and I tell people about it often. I can see it from the kitchen window and it reminds me of the goodness in others and also of Ben. I like to think he is watching over us. And yes he was a great conversationalist. I miss that about him. Thanks for remembering.
    Anyone else has a memory of Ben you would like to share?


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