Wednesday, September 22, 2010

too busy to notice!

 Autumn leaves in GekūImage via Wikipedia
As the anniversary of Ben's death comes close, I find myself so busy I don't know which way to turn. JB Dollar, my job that pays some of the bills has just introduced two new products and wow is it ever exciting. Hat's need to be sent out to three locations, listed on Etsy and E-bay. Orders for crochet items need to be made. Halloween jewelry and OMG the list goes on and on. I wonder If God is giving me all of this so I can focus on other things. Today on the way home from the craft store (looking for Halloween charms for the jewelry) I started thinking about Ben and how much he loved Halloween. I cried.  It was the one holiday his dad was into and we all enjoyed it together. I loved making his and Keri's costumes. My favorite was the year Keri was Tinker Bell and he was a pirate, AKA Captain Hook. Keri had a store bought costume but we made Ben's and it was cool. Another year he was a the hunchback of Notre Dame. Of course, when he was little he was Batman and Superman. Keri was bat girl one year. Never any clowns. We didn't like clowns. Even as an adult Ben was scared of clowns. Makes me laugh thinking about it but every time I see a clown it reminds me of him. And sometimes I laugh and cry at the same time.

I use to love fall. Now, I dread it's beginning because it reminds
me of that fateful day when we lost Ben. Four years, "doesn't it go by in a blink". That quote is from Anthony Hopkins character in the movie Meet Joe Black. As death is waiting for him at his 65th birthday he is speaking to the guests and closes with this---"65 years, doesn't it go by in a blink". I had watched that movie a few times before but recently when I heard him say that it made me think how precious little time we really do have. Life truly is fleeting.

As the fourth anniversary of Ben's death approaches I reflect on his short life. He touched many people in his 24 years. He was a good friend, son and brother. He would bend over backwards to help you if you were in need. Generous to a fault and loyal. Of course there were problems but this post is not about them. This is about my memories of fall and the fun times we spent planning a favorite celebration. How God is giving me so much to focus on right now that I am not dwelling on October first. And the fact that life is short, so we should remember to live each day to the fullest, become more than we ever thought we could be and love the ones closest to us with reckless abandon. 

Peace and Love,
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  1. Annette, My heart breaks for you and all Ben's relatives. I cannot imagine the way his death has affected your lives. I pray that God gives all of you the strength to get through every day. Love, Terri

  2. Thanks Terri, God has given me many things and he continues to bless me in other ways. In my head I remember this from the bible "by the grace of God go I". Another of my daily mantras. It keeps me calm and reminds me to be nice to others because everyone is fighting some kind of battle. You are in my prayers too. See you soon.

  3. I believe that God is trying to help you. I believe He gives you what you need everyday. I know you will never stop counting how many years have pasted or knowing exactly how close Oct 1st is but He can/will/does help you through every day. I think about you and Ben a lot around this time too. If you need anything I am just a phone call or an email away. You are all in my prayers. Linda

  4. Linda you are right God is helping me in many ways and he continues to strengthen me. Thanks for remembering and keeping me in your prayers. I need that. I appreciate your friendship and hope all is well with you. I'm here for you to.

  5. Hi Annette, me again:) I just wanted to know that I'm thinking about you and Ben here in Australia and am constantly impressed by your bravery and generosity in sharing your journey.

    There's a very high rate of suicide amongst young men here in Australia and I can't thank you enough for raising awareness about this issue and for showing people that it's ok to grieve for the loved ones we've lost.

  6. Thanks Annabel :) Suicide deaths are on the increase and it is sad. I think it's the pressures of the world that people can't deal with and young men from the age of 17 to 25 are the most at risk. I feel it's something we have to talk about so I will keep talking and eventually I know people will hear. And if I can save just one more family from going through the pain of loss from suicide then my experience will have made a difference.
    I'll be thinking about you in Vegas at blog world. Have fun.


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