Life's amazing journeys!

I took last week off from posting to just reflect on my life and the last four years without my son, Ben. It may not seem like it to some but my life has been an amazing journey. I have seen and done many things. I have had my share of challenges, successes and failures. But all in all so far it has been an OK life.

Today I read a story about a family that lost all three of their children. Two to suicide and one to a drug overdose. The story hinted at family problems as the cause and maybe that's true but a mother and father still lost three children. What comes to mind when I read or hear about things like this---It can always be worse! Yes! I have been challenged. Maybe by the greatest challenge a mom will ever face. But, it could always be worse.

My greatest accomplishment in life has been birthing two children. Two small human beings to nurture, teach, protect and let find their wings.  My son always needed reassurance that he would be OK, that he was a good boy, that I loved him. My daughter is strong willed and determined. She just knew all those things from a very young age. I knew she would succeed and I didn't worry as much about her. My son was another story. I worried about him constantly. Two children from the same parents and so different. My two stepson's are the same way. It's a mystery I will never understand and when I speak with other parents they experience the very same thing.

Some days I beat myself over the head wondering if I would just have given Ben more of what he needed would he have been better able to cope with the challenges he faced. He was smart. He had an incredible memory. He was kind and compassionate. And in spite of all these things he was tormented. He lived for 24 years with me as his mother and I feel privileged for such an honor. I will always be his mother and he will always be one of my most amazing accomplishments.

My daughter Keri is smart, beautiful, compassionate and kind. She is a treasure and sometimes I am amazed I am her mother. She has faced her challenges and moved forward choosing to see the glass half full instead of half empty. I see her now choosing happiness and working on living her best life. I could not ask for anything more for her. She is my second greatest accomplishment.

How often do we move through our days grudgingly. Looking at life as a challenge instead of a gift. I felt that way for almost three years while working through the suicide of my son and my own depression. If you are feeling that way just hold on, eventually it will pass. And someday you will be able to look back and see just how amazing your life is too.

Peace---Annette

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