Sunday, October 10, 2010

Life's amazing journeys!

I took last week off from posting to just reflect on my life and the last four years without my son, Ben. It may not seem like it to some but my life has been an amazing journey. I have seen and done many things. I have had my share of challenges, successes and failures. But all in all so far it has been an OK life.

Today I read a story about a family that lost all three of their children. Two to suicide and one to a drug overdose. The story hinted at family problems as the cause and maybe that's true but a mother and father still lost three children. What comes to mind when I read or hear about things like this---It can always be worse! Yes! I have been challenged. Maybe by the greatest challenge a mom will ever face. But, it could always be worse.

My greatest accomplishment in life has been birthing two children. Two small human beings to nurture, teach, protect and let find their wings.  My son always needed reassurance that he would be OK, that he was a good boy, that I loved him. My daughter is strong willed and determined. She just knew all those things from a very young age. I knew she would succeed and I didn't worry as much about her. My son was another story. I worried about him constantly. Two children from the same parents and so different. My two stepson's are the same way. It's a mystery I will never understand and when I speak with other parents they experience the very same thing.

Some days I beat myself over the head wondering if I would just have given Ben more of what he needed would he have been better able to cope with the challenges he faced. He was smart. He had an incredible memory. He was kind and compassionate. And in spite of all these things he was tormented. He lived for 24 years with me as his mother and I feel privileged for such an honor. I will always be his mother and he will always be one of my most amazing accomplishments.

My daughter Keri is smart, beautiful, compassionate and kind. She is a treasure and sometimes I am amazed I am her mother. She has faced her challenges and moved forward choosing to see the glass half full instead of half empty. I see her now choosing happiness and working on living her best life. I could not ask for anything more for her. She is my second greatest accomplishment.

How often do we move through our days grudgingly. Looking at life as a challenge instead of a gift. I felt that way for almost three years while working through the suicide of my son and my own depression. If you are feeling that way just hold on, eventually it will pass. And someday you will be able to look back and see just how amazing your life is too.

If you know someone who would benefit from my blog please share it with them.


  1. Great blog post Annette.
    I totally know what you're saying about how kids are so different from each other. I do think birthorder really does have alot to do alot of it, especially in a family the size of mine. Sometimes it would be nice if parenting came with an instruction manual, but its all trial and error and just doing the best we can with the resources available to us. I hope you can find some peace in knowing you were a fantastic mom to both Ben and Keri. Those years when I used to talk to you about everything have stuck with me and I appreciate the advice I got from you. I hope that my girls can grow up to be strong, independent women like Keri is.

  2. Thanks Brittany. You should know about how different children can be since you have five of your own. I do think you are right about birth order and I'm glad some of what I shared with you has helped. Our only instruction maunal is the advice we share with each other. And yes Keri has become everything I always wanted and a mother can ask for nothing more than that.
    Take care and keep the positive energy flowing.

  3. wow, Annette. your bravery is inspiring. I find it difficult to talk about some very simple things so to read this post and watch you brave such a challenge just blows me away. know that you're not alone *hugs*

  4. Kola-thanks for saying I'm brave, I appreciate it but I don't feel that way. I just want to share my story with others so that maybe I can help others deal with their loss. And I really appreciate the hugs. Tonite was challenging so they came at a much needed time. :)))

  5. I think loss sucks and the best way I've found to deal with it is to live more, learn more, laugh more, love more ... but more importantly drive from happiness ... and be who you want to be and create the experiences you want to create.

  6. :) you are very welcome! even the most optimistic souls out there have some of those days. stay strong, Annette

  7. You are so right J.D. Loss does suck and you deal with it perfectly. One of the best things we can do is to live a full life in memory of our lost loved ones. I do struggle with this at times thinking why am I still here and Ben is not. But I no longer dwell on it so that is progress.
    Thanks for the positive comment.


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