Here it comes again-October 1st.

Today I realized we are less than a month away from October 1st. That has been a dreaded day for me these past six years and now going on seven. But today I also realized that I have not been thinking about it or dwelling on it like past years. That date is the day my son Ben made the fateful decision to take his life changing mine and all the lives close to him. Our lives have changed in ways we never thought they would. We are hardened and softened at the same time. All of us in different ways. We are a family with a hole that will never be filled. Recently we suffered another loss. The loss of my stepsons mom. Watching them go through the grieving process is hard. They want to feel better now, not realizing that it will take time, months, years to find a new normal without their mom.

Their loss, my loss, your loss will never go away. Grief takes time. It's not a get over it already kind of thing. Now almost seven years later I am able to look at October 1st and not cringe that it is almost here. I will always grieve for Ben, I will always remember that day but along with the grieving and remembering I will be healing. Taking it one day at a time for the rest of my life.

September is suicide awareness month. Did you know that up to 2009 car crashes were the leading cause of death by accident but in 2009 suicide became the leading cause of death by accident. That is such a sad statistic. Mental health has been so overlooked. It is time for a change. Let's all do something this month to help make that change. Help a friend who is suffering, donate your time or $$'s, attend a prevention walk. Take action now and maybe we can help prevent another family from going through the pain of the suicide of a loved one.

Peace,
Annette

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

When I look back now on losing my son I feel a profound sadness. Sadness at the loss of such a special, loving, bright young man. Sadness that I will not see him grow up completely with a career and family of his own. I don't dwell on the sadness any longer but it is still there and will always be there. Some days it engulfs me but not as many as before. I function now, I work, I cook and clean and do everything I did before that fateful day in October. I miss him daily and think about him every day. But I move forward and know that is what I have to do. But the sadness is still there lying ever so slightly beneath the surface. I wonder if he is watching down over me. Sometimes I get a sign or two that let me know he is around. I hope they are not coincidences. I pray he is at peace and in God's heaven. I pray he will be waiting for me when it's my time to leave earth. I pray God keeps me strong enough each day to keep moving forward and living the life I was ment to live. It has been almost 6-1/2 years since the day my new life began. That is how I think about it, the day my new normal began. I can tell anyone out there grieving that you will get use to your new normal. It will take time and how long it takes is not the same for each of us. Take all the time you need. You will know when you are ready to move forward. So I may not blog here much anymore because the hurt is healing. And that is a good thing. If anyone needs to talk I am always an email away and will be here to help anyone needing support. Peace & Love to all, Annette

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.