Image via WikipediaDear Santa, I'm missing Ben and this year I want a big bear hug from him. I didn't hug him enough and now I can't hug him at all. I want him back, I want to see how he is doing. I want to know his life is good and he is teaching college like he wanted. I want to sit and talk with him again and enjoy a glass of wine with him. I want to watch a movie with him. I want him back and I can't have what I want the most this Christmas. Instead, his ashes are in a box in my basement and I can't make a decision about what to do with them. I don't want it to be this way at all, I don't like it. I don't have a choice but I don't have to like it.
As we go through this holiday season, there will be memories, challenges and happiness. I will try to grab on to the happiness and hope it carries me through. Ben's stocking still hangs with the others, Inside are five little boxes. We each have one and every year we are suppose to write a note to him, telling him how we feel. As I look back on previous years I can see that I have progressed and that's good. But I still want him back and I don't like it one bit that he's not with me. I hope he's with my mom and grandma and there is some celebrating going on. I hope he comes around and let's me know he's here. I hope so many things and mostly I hope I can get through this holiday feeling good and OK that I am still here and he's not.
Happy holidays to all. My hope for all of us is that we can start 2011 better than we started 2010, that we can find joy and have good things coming our way, that we can remember our loved ones and know they are at peace.
Love & Peace,
Annette
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My hope is also that we can start 2011 on an upbeat note. Life is so precious that every day we should stop and just look around at all the wonder that God has created..if you look and see a small smile..a wink or a wave from a child, take joy in that...there is no need to bake cookies no one will notice if you buy store brand and maybe make Ben's favorite cookie..maybe that is something that will put you in the Christmas spirit..then sit down by yourself and talk to him, even if he's not here he will hear you..oh and remember to hug those around you now..whether they want the hugs or not..give yourself a big hug too..you are very very special to many many people..more than you know..Peace and Love to you my dear friend
ReplyDeleteThank You so much for your comment Linda. You are so right. Life is very precious and we should remember that daily. I did make the cookies and it wasn't so bad once I got started. I will take your advice and hug those around me and have that talk with Ben. You also are very, very special to many people. I can see that in what you have created with Mr Hydes. But most of all you are very special to me and I am so blessed to have you in my life.
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