Nine years of grief lessons!

It has been quite awhile since I posted here. I was thinking it is time to start again and share what I have learned in the nine years since Ben passed away. Many things have                               
changed and many have stayed the same but I have learned how to restart and find that new normal.

I thought there were stages of grief but learned that is just crap. Grief is ongoing and how you deal with it changes daily. Nine years later and sometimes I still can't believe Ben in gone, I get mad that he killed himself, I question everything and wonder if I could have changed things, And from time to time I plunge back into depression. I am able to move quicker through all of this but accepting what is, is not happening. I am use to what happened, I understand that it happened and there is nothing I can do about it but accept it? That is not happening. I don't accept it and don't want to accept it. But I do go on and live.

If you lost your loved one a month ago, five months ago, two years ago, eight years ago, twenty years ago, and you wonder if you will ever get over it just be assured that you won't and this is perfectly normal. You will be able in time to go on. But you will have those days when the grief will arise within you and you will feel like you can't bear it, like you did when you first suffered your loss. Remember you are normal and it's ok to cry, it's ok to be mad, it's ok to bargain with God. Your going to be ok and your going to keep going and yes life will never be the same, you will never be the same, but you will keep going.

Grief is an amazing teacher. I feel like it has made me a better person, I see what is really important now. I work daily to be a better person than the day before. Many days I fail but I keep on trying. Never giving up.

We who have suffered great loss live with a knowledge that many don't have. We have a quiet understanding that life is fleeting. Life is temporary. Life is a precious gift.  Taking this journey together lightens the load. Here on my blog we can share our thoughts, feelings and stories on survival after the loss of our loved one's. Together we can help ourselves and others gain understanding and knowledge on surviving. Please share your feelings and share my blog with your family, friends, Facebook page. Someone out there may need it. You just never know what daily battles people are facing.

As always Peace & Love to all,
Annette

Here it comes again-October 1st.

Today I realized we are less than a month away from October 1st. That has been a dreaded day for me these past six years and now going on seven. But today I also realized that I have not been thinking about it or dwelling on it like past years. That date is the day my son Ben made the fateful decision to take his life changing mine and all the lives close to him. Our lives have changed in ways we never thought they would. We are hardened and softened at the same time. All of us in different ways. We are a family with a hole that will never be filled. Recently we suffered another loss. The loss of my stepsons mom. Watching them go through the grieving process is hard. They want to feel better now, not realizing that it will take time, months, years to find a new normal without their mom.

Their loss, my loss, your loss will never go away. Grief takes time. It's not a get over it already kind of thing. Now almost seven years later I am able to look at October 1st and not cringe that it is almost here. I will always grieve for Ben, I will always remember that day but along with the grieving and remembering I will be healing. Taking it one day at a time for the rest of my life.

September is suicide awareness month. Did you know that up to 2009 car crashes were the leading cause of death by accident but in 2009 suicide became the leading cause of death by accident. That is such a sad statistic. Mental health has been so overlooked. It is time for a change. Let's all do something this month to help make that change. Help a friend who is suffering, donate your time or $$'s, attend a prevention walk. Take action now and maybe we can help prevent another family from going through the pain of the suicide of a loved one.

Peace,
Annette

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

When I look back now on losing my son I feel a profound sadness. Sadness at the loss of such a special, loving, bright young man. Sadness that I will not see him grow up completely with a career and family of his own. I don't dwell on the sadness any longer but it is still there and will always be there. Some days it engulfs me but not as many as before. I function now, I work, I cook and clean and do everything I did before that fateful day in October. I miss him daily and think about him every day. But I move forward and know that is what I have to do. But the sadness is still there lying ever so slightly beneath the surface. I wonder if he is watching down over me. Sometimes I get a sign or two that let me know he is around. I hope they are not coincidences. I pray he is at peace and in God's heaven. I pray he will be waiting for me when it's my time to leave earth. I pray God keeps me strong enough each day to keep moving forward and living the life I was ment to live. It has been almost 6-1/2 years since the day my new life began. That is how I think about it, the day my new normal began. I can tell anyone out there grieving that you will get use to your new normal. It will take time and how long it takes is not the same for each of us. Take all the time you need. You will know when you are ready to move forward. So I may not blog here much anymore because the hurt is healing. And that is a good thing. If anyone needs to talk I am always an email away and will be here to help anyone needing support. Peace & Love to all, Annette

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

As you go through your weekend remember everyone is fighting some kind of battle so be kind to all you meet. "Kindness is Free". And if you are having a hard time making it through another day know that God is the constant, he is always by your side helping you through the challenges of life. Never give up hope that tomorrow will be better.


Have a great weekend everybody!

Love & Peace to all---Annette

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

"Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble". Frank Tyger

How often do we quiet the voices in our heads and really listen when people are talking to us? Do you ask someone how they are and then really listen to their answer? In my line of work I am constantly listening to what people are saying and really listening is something I always find myself working on.

When Ben died I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. But you know what, there were people in my life that left me alone and at the same time quietly nudged me along so that when I was ready to talk they were there. And even though I was in an extremely depressed state I still knew who I could talk to when I was ready. And I did talk to them and they listened. It was a part of my healing and so appreciated then and now.

Remember that when someone is grieving they need time to process their grief. You can gently nudge them along by letting them know that when they are ready to talk you will be there. And next time you have a conversation with someone be present and focus on what they are saying. Being a good listener is one of the best gifts we can give one another.

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

Thank God it's Friday. As you go through your weekend think about this:

"KINDNESS IS FREE"

Let's spread it around and make this world a nicer place.

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

I saw this quote today on facebook. It was posted by a friend that has had some challenges in life but he keeps moving forward. I just wanted to share it with all of you. Wouldn't life be better if we all could do this?

"Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror".

I think so. How about you?

If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.